Flying Solo

From the beginning, I've always been a single mom. The girl's dad and I seperated when they were 10 weeks, divorced over a year later and have always been an ocean away. Normally it's no big thing cause that's what I'm used to. Ive never done it any other way. But then there are sometimes that I really wish I wasn't flying solo in this. Today was one of those days.

I had my second sleep study last night. It was horrific and I got like 7 minutes of sleep. The girls slept at Sa's house and that was a disaster too. So today all three of us were exhausted and out of sorts. I couldn't help but to keep thinking I wish I had a parenting partner so bad, not something that typically crosses my mind.

I have help from family and some close friends, especially Sa and the Fosters and my mom, that I appreciate SO SO much! But it's just not the same, at all. It would have been so nice to be able to leave the girls at home on their regular routine last night, take a nap today and/or just get a good break every now and then without having to feel super guilty or pay an arm and a leg for it. And that's not to mention having someone to talk about the hard stuff with, make decisions with cause some of those are so hard and work through the financials with. But my gut tells me that is just not a luxury that I will ever know.

I muddled through today flying solo. We stayed in our pajamas ALL day, watched a movie, and ate Taco Bell. I was a super lazy mom and let the girls play on the iPads way too much, I laid on the carpet while they did a craft, and we played hide and seek where I let them hide for a REALLY long time before I came to find them! I'm so ridiculous. But then I did teach them how to play baseball in the living room. It was just total survival mode and I was not winning any parenting awards today. But we survived! The girls were in bed at 6:45 and I probably will be by 8:45!





After a good nights sleep in our own beds I'm really hoping tomorrow is an easier day! I just have to keep reminding myself that I do all the work so I can get all the blessings! And that is priceless!