Big Party at Our House!

It's 8:00 pm on New Years Eve and this is what all 3 of us are doing...


We had great plans to party with friends, but fittingly we had to cancel because poor Riley got sick. She spiked a fever of 102 today! Plus Keagan has a tummy ache and I have body aches. I guess that all sounds about right for the end of 2011.

One of my goals for 2012 is for us all to be healthier which hopefully includes no ER visits all year! After we all get a fabulous nights sleep tonight, instead of staying out all night, hopefully we will be starting off right for that goal. And all the others!

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Girls in 2011

As the year ends and I think about the wonderful year 2012 was for our little family, the thing that strikes me most is how much the girls have both grown and progressed over the course of the last 12 months. This Christmas season we loved driving around and looking at lights, just like last year. The big difference is the commentary from the back seat. Last year a cute and little Keagan would say "mo yights! mo yights!" This year was an array of comments like "Oh that one is bootiful!" and "oh, they have lots of yights!" And I have recently talked about all the progress Riley has made as well. Last year I'm not sure how much she was engaged in our light watching. This year she fully participated and provided "ohs" and "ahs" of her own.

Realizing this just makes me want to slow the clock down. Just a little. I am stunned that tomorrow at church I will have 2 little sunbeams with the big kids in primary! They are still my little babies, but they seem to be doing all this big girl stuff! Despite my objections, the sun will go down tonight and rise again tomorrow and the girls will continue to get older and bigger. The good thing is with that comes new memories, new opportunities and increased love. Ok 2012. I guess I'm ready for ya!






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The Waves

When I lived in Hawaii and used to go to the beach, people would always say not to turn your back on the waves when you're in the water. My grief is so similar to those beautiful waves I used to love to swim in. When it comes to missing my dad, I feel like I am always turned away from it so that when a wave hits, it always takes me by surprise. It comes like a a rush of water that quickly splashes over my whole body, tossing me about and often taking my breath away.

The funny thing is that it's not the expected things that bring the grief. It's the little things that create big waves that leave my heart physically sore in my chest. It's not Christmas Eve dinner or eating his famous breakfast on Christmas day. Instead it's seeing an old mans hand at the Temple that looks like his when I held it when he was sick. It's Keagan chewing bubble gum and the smell reminds me of his car. And it's my niece Kellie saying "who opened the gate?" in traffic just like he would say. Those are the little things that leave me breathless, fighting back tears, and missing him with every fiber of my being.

The good thing is, now that it's been 4 and a half years, the waves do reside. The swells of grief do slowly move back into the ocean. I never, EVER stop missing him or thinking about him and how everything would be so much different, easier if he were here. But I don't remain in the waves continuously like I did in the beginning. I still find great times of joy and peace just swimming in the water of my life. But I always know that as soon as I turn my back, another wave will hit. Each time it does I will let it come because it sometimes makes me feel closer to him and opens up the places in my heart that I too often keep closed.

One day I will learn to bravely turn towards to waves and embrace them. Until then I will keep swimming the best I can while I use all he taught me and my wonderful memories of him to help me float.

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All Together Now

I think I may have mentioned a time or two that none of the girls in our house are sleeping very well lately. Nothing hurts my heart more. I am such a better mom if I get some sleep. So today I just happened to be a fabulous mom cause it was a LONG night!

I got to bed at 11 and was so sad to hear tears coming from Riley's monitor at 1. I gave in pretty quickly, as I normally do with that one, and let her sleep with me in my bed. Once she was finally settled, I was confused by the little footsteps I was hearing. And then sure enough, before I knew it, Keagan was climbing into my bed with a big smile and a loud "hi mom!" She gave Riley a kiss on the cheek and I almost thought it was adorable. But not at 1:30 in the morning! Then Riley was ready to play and I had such a hard time getting both girls to lay down and be quiet. Sleeping all together with our whole little family may sound sweet and fun. In reality, it's not even close.

By 3 I finally got everyone back in their own beds. However this morning I heard rumors Keagan was also in and out of Nana's bed. No wonder she was so tired today! I was too! Maybe I can use that to blame for getting a little too mad at Keags today for seriously tinkling in the bathroom sink!! Yes you read that right! Her cousin was using the potty, and the sink was free. So hey..why not! But frankly if she will sleep in her bed all night and I get a full nights sleep, she can tinkle any where she pleases!

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Merry Christmas Y'all

What a wonderful day! It was quiet and easy. The girls were totally spoiled! Santa brought a full load and forgot to account for the fact that these two girls are loved by amazing family and friends who were so nice to send gifts as well. They both loved everything! It was so fun!





The only thing Keagan has asked for this year from Santa is gum. That was the first gift she opened and she got SO much gum that she gave Riley half! It was very sweet. After that, when she would open a present we always got an excited comment of either "Yeaaaah!", "thank you Santa!" or "I love it!" And then when Riley opened all of her gifts (which Santa was smart enough to put in gift bags cause she loves pulling out the paper) Keagan would size up the gift and say "I want Riyee to share!" Classic!

















The big hits of the day were definitely the puppies in their own carriers and a treasure chest for princesses. A cupcake purse and a my little pet shop tree house for Keags, and a shapes light up game and princess electric piano for Riley.











We took a break from the presents and went to church at 9. That one hour meeting ended up being my greatest Christmas gift! It was the most wonderful meeting I have ever attended because we were blessed with incredible Christmas music and the presence of an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, Richard G. Scott. In a soft, calm voice he bore the most amazing and powerful testimony of our Savior. That He lives. That He is not an absent God. That He has perfect love for us all. Such a wonderful way to focus on the true meaning of Christmas!

At the beginning of the meeting, Keagan was sitting on my lap and I was trying to explain to her what a special thing it was for us to have an Apostle there. In between her hyperness as she had 30 pieces of gum for breakfast, she said to me "I want to talk to the man who talks to Jesus" Wow! This knocked my socks off for two reasons. One, maybe the girl does actually listen when we read our scriptures every night. And two, the veil is still so thin and our kids have so much to teach us!
After the meeting both Keagan and I were lucky enough to meet Elder Scott and shake his hand!





Another Christmas with my girls and we once again find ourselves to be very blessed! And I know Keags and Ris would agree..





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Christmas Eve

Only a fabulous family like ours spends Christmas Eve eating "frog eyes", whacking a Minnie Mouse piñata, and laughing at each other playing catch phrase. We had such a great and easy night!



































As I stare at way too many presents under the tree for the girls in the morning, I am reminded of two things I never want to forget...

It's not about what's under the tree, but who's around it! And...

Christmas isn't about the presents. It's about His presence.

Tonight I am so thankful for Keagan and Riley, for the life that we enjoy together and the love we share and for the rest of my family. And I think of the very first Christmas night and I'm so incredibly thankful that The Father sent His son to be born in a stable to lay in a manger. On Christmas Eve I'm so thankful for the Savior of the world and His humble birth that first Christmas night!

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Thursdays Aren't Our Day!

Thursdays just haven't been good to us lately. They've been down right awful! Last thursday was our fall and concussion. This thursday was another very long day! It concluded at 1am after an ELEVEN hour ER visit to Texas Children's with Miss Riley!

My sister was watching the girls so I could run last minute Christmas errands and drop of gifts to some friends when Riley started throwing up. By the time I got her to our Pediatricians office, she was throwing up blood and bile. Scary! So we picked up Nana who was nice enough to come to the ER with us. Thank Heavens she did!




In the first couple hours we were there, they did exams and X rays and determined her GI track was seriously backed up and she had an inflamed tummy. After she kept a bottle down for 30 mins, we were happily discharged and sent home!

But not long after we had loaded up the car, Riley again threw up a ton of volume! I spoke to our ER doc and she wanted to see her again. So back into the ER we went, reluctantly. That lead to an extremely long night of trying to clean out her system, and giving her fluids and meds intravenously. But we didn't have much luck and at 12:30 we asked to be discharged.


We left, absolutely exhausted, knowing if her system didn't start working then we would have to return to the hospital on Saturday and be admitted over night. After a long Friday we were very blessed to be able to celebrate Christmas Eve at home today! We are all more then exhausted, amazed at all Riley has been through, and thankful to be home together!


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One of Those Days

Exactly how I feel about today for no big particular reason...


Just one of those days!

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All I Want For Christmas

We wrote letters to Santa this afternoon.





Keagans list is a great one...sparkly shoes, GUM (the only thing she has asked Santa for months), tape and lunch for the boys who mow the lawn. She insisted I put that last one on the list. That girl seriously cracks me up!


Riley's list was a doozey of course. A beautiful drawing of scribbles. The interpretation of which says that girl would be happy receiving anything!

I didn't write a letter, but my list would look something like this...a full nights sleep all by myself, for Riley to talk, a great massage, one day of sleeping in to the double digits- or I would even take 8 o'clock, less arguing from Miss Keags and just a little financial security for the girls.

Hopefully Santa has all of this beautifully wrapped under the tree in 5 days! I'm counting in it!

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Heavenly

Today just Keagan and I went to church because Nana was kind enough to stay home with Miss Riley while I taught my Relief Society lesson. I had a ton of stuff with us to teach my lesson and Keagan asked me what it was for. I told her mommy was going to be the teacher of all the other mommies today. When she asked what I was going to teach them I told her my lesson was about Heavenly Father and going to heaven one day. My cute girl immediately asked "momma are you gonna come back? I will miss you so much while you are in heaven!" Sweet girl!

Then tonight this was her prayer...

"Dear Heavy Father. Thank thee for this day. I love you sooooooooo much! Name of Jesus. Aaaaamen!"

In between these two cute things there was alot of whining and she had quite the hard day. So adorable stuff like this can truly redeem her on a day like this. Thank heavens she's so cute!


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The Concussion!

Terrified, grateful and exhausted are terms that can't significantly enough explain the last three days. It has been probably the scariest experience of my life, but also something to add to my long list of what I am so thankful for!

Thursday afternoon and I was in the midst of the hustle and bustle of a very busy day preparing for our big RS Christmas party that night and getting ready for the girls last day of school and parties the next day. It was 3:30, we just got home from picking Riley up from school. I was walking the same path in the kitchen that I have a gazillion times and tripped on the up turned corner of the rug. It was the worst step I've ever taken, especially since Riley was in my arms. We both came crashing down to the floor and I didn't do what a mom is supposed to do- catch their child. It all happened so fast, but I don't think I will ever get over that. Riley's little head slammed against the corner of the counter. I immediately grabbed her and just thought the wind was knocked out of her. But it wasn't long before I realized my baby was not breathing.

I have taken the hospital CPR class twice when Riley was released from each NICU stay. The first time I took it I cried at the idea of ever having to do it. And amazingly enough, a week and a half ago I was on the computer and followed a prompting to look up CPR to remind myself. I really would never have imagined I would have to use it on one of the girls.

Before I could really think about what I was doing, Riley and I were down on the same stupid rug and I was giving her mouth to mouth breaths! It is so surreal to even type those words. Thankfully after 10 breaths, Riley started seizing and breathing!! I immediately called 911 and an ambulance quickly arrived.

After a very stressful ambulance ride and an ER exam, I laid with a very upset little girl on the cat scan table. The results of that showed a minor concussion and we were sent home very gratefully. The outcome could have been so much worse. Once again my angel proves she is one tough cookie and watched over from heaven! Yesterday she started vomittimg but a second ER visit as advised and another CT scan showed no worsening of her head injury.

Now I just have a sweet three year old with a concussion. It's obvious she is still in pain and uncomfortable so the doctor has prescribed pain and anti nausea meds today. I'm really hoping the symptoms don't persist for very much longer. Otherwise, her mom and sister are left a little traumatized by the event! I am still stunned that I had to do CPR on my baby and Keagan told Nana that she was scared. She said "Riyee had to go in the ambulance. She was scared and I was really scared!" Oh sweet girl!

I'm continuously amazed at all we have been through and still survived with shining colors. And really by "we" I mean Riley with Keags and I as witnesses, cheerleaders, and ones to offer love and prayers! And once again that combination worked! So far I think that is the best prescription Riley has ever received!

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What to Think

Exactly what I want to teach my girls...


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To Dos

I learned a great trick from my sister. Instead of making a daily to do list, I make a weekly one. I keep a cute spiral notebook on the counter with my weekly tasks, errands, paperwork, phone calls, etc. That puppy is always long as I'm very very busy like most moms. But now that we are in full blown holiday mode, it seems my list is endless! It's 11pm and I am just getting in bed! When on a usual day, I am snorin away by 9:45.

This week I hand made some seriously cute gifts. I LOVE the giving part of Christmas! I think it's my favorite. Riley has 4 therapists and 4 teachers. Keagan has 4 teachers. And I have visiting teachees and friends. Those cute things are all made and wrapped cute. Today I spent the afternoon helping the rest of the RS committee prepare for our big Christmas party on Thursday and tonight was the third Christmas concert we were happy to go to for a niece in 1 week. I have to take stuff for Keagans Christmas party on Friday, we have a wedding on Saturday and then I teach RS on Sunday. I'm SO glad I'm done with all my shopping, but the need to wrap everything is eating at me. Throw in all my regular to dos, working, friends in town, getting gifts in the mail, sending all the darling Christmas cards and taking care of two sick little girls and I think I might be on the Christmas edge. Hopefully after the girls are out of school next week we will get more time to focus on the real reason for the season! Cause right now that's just not on my list!

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Hide And Seek

When Riley was little- or shall I say littler, my sister "Sa" started teasing her that she would never be able to play hide and seek. The girl breathes SO loud that hiding would be impossible. But it's not the little girls fault. This is Riley were talking about so of course she has a rare diagnosis of Laryngalmalacia. Basically she has extra skin and some cartilage around her vocal cords in her larynx. She had surgery this summer to trim some of it off, but it was only a 50/50 shot that it would help the breathing. And we ended up with the wrong 50.

This morning I was rushing to get lunches made, backpacks packed, and a load of laundry in. I came back into the family room only to find one little girl watching "The Fresh Beat Band." Unlike Keagan who is singing and talking where ever she goes, my non verbal Riley can be a little harder to track down. Now that she scoots on her bum, she can quickly maneuver out of sight! Even though I knew I wouldn't get a response, I called out "Riley where are you?" And then it occurred to me that I was listening for her breathing! How sad is that? With my realization of the crazy way I search for my child, a loud breathing but smiley little girl booty scooted around the corner to greet me.

People ask me all the time how I
deal with all that having a Riley comes with. My answer is always that I count my blessings and celebrate the little things. This morning I realized that Riley being a loud breather is a blessing. I know it sounds like a somewhat ridiculous stretch, but its true and it works. Its something very small, but it does matter and make a difference. So I will count it and celebrate it. It's the best way I know of how to turn a negative into a positive and to let the good out shine the bad.

Oh how I wish the girl could talk and just answer my call to tell me right where she is. But until then I'm happy to follow the breathing to find the princess, where ever she may be.


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Heaven Help Us!

I'm sitting in the parking lot of Keagans school. I'm waiting til it's 2:30 and I absolutely have to go get her. On a regular school day, I have missed her and can't wait to pick her up. Today is not a regular day.

Our doctor put Keagan on an oral steroid yesterday for her wheezing. Sometimes Keags reacts a little strange to certain medicines. And this one falls in the "oh so crazy, unbelievably hyper, out of her mind" reaction category.


Yesterday the poor girl was LITERALLY bouncing off the walls! Alot of moms use that as a figure of speech- but this time, it's for real! She was talking so fast she could have been an auctioneer! She was jumping, and running higher and faster then ever before. I had to run an errand and she was doing her classic gymnastics moves all over the store. Then she was running down the aisle with her hand out hitting everything as she went. She even had a crazy look in her eye and her ponytails were crooked!!

Yup that was my girl yesterday!!

Yes I did feel REALLY bad for her! Her little body just couldn't process that. I especially hated seeing when she got a little bit of hives! It was really sad to see. But I also feel bad for myself! She was SO naughty yesterday and she wore me out way more then usual! And then was up all night! In the middle of the night I was so frustrated and so tired I almost cried. I know...I sound pathetic. Well, I felt pathetic!

This morning the madness continued and the doctor said we should simmer down throughout the day. Besides the same wall bouncing of yesterday, when I went to the restroom for two whole seconds, I thought she could control herself. When I heard her say "it's ok Riyee" in a sweet voice, I thought everything was fine. I WAS WRONG!!

I came out to a scene of Keagan SITTING ON TOP of Riley and spraying the remaining fluid of her breathing treatment UP RILEYS NOSE!! Ahhhhhh!! I may or may not have lost it there for a minute!! Poor Riley!!!!

I am praying I get a good report from her teacher now! And I'm praying this nasty stuff has cycled itself right out of her body!! If not....then Heaven help us all!





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Jammies

Is there anything cuter then my kids in footed fleece jammies?! I really don't think so!


I'm seriously hoping these jammies keep them nice and comfy and sleepy tonight so that they will both sleep through the night! Momma is SO tired from a week full of nights of crying, coughing, breathing treatments, and tickling monkeys of course! Hoping the girls kick this yucky cold soon so everyone can get some sleep! Obviously in some darling jammies!

Princess of Progress

I wrote our very first Christmas Letter yesterday. I have always done a card, but this year I wanted to include an update on us. When I started to focus on Riley, I stumbled with how to even begin explaining the progress she has made this year. There were no adequate words to describe the progress my princess has achieved in the last 12 months.

Since January Riley has blossomed. She started babbling more, she started scooting on her bum, coloring, drinking from a cup, brushing her teeth, sometimes feeding herself, using her left hand at all, placing objects inside something, sleeping in her own crib, self soothing, problem solving, being more independent, getting some fine motor skills, pretend playing, kneeling and laughing when she knows she's funny. And there's much, much more. She is one determined little girl who makes strides every week in therapy, at home or at school. They are Riley sized strides which may be small, but they are definitely worth huge celebration.

Besides her incredibly joyful and loving spirit, the next thing I love best about Riley is her perseverance. She never gets frustrated with a body and a mind that doesn't work like it should. Instead she keeps trying, with a smile on her face! With that kind of perspective I just can't wait to see all that she accomplishes by the next time I have to write a Christmas letter!

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Happy Birthday

Today is my Dads birthday. He's celebrating in heaven.

He was the most incredible father who taught me true love, sacrifice, hard work, how to laugh at myself, and the Gospel. I'm forever thankful. There's so many times I catch myself thinking "If he was here..." He would love living with my girls. He would cherish them and spend special time with them. He would be here with my mom. He would talk me through hard times and decisions and accompany me to doctors appointments and therapy visits for Riley. He would be a great dad and an amazing Pakka!

To bad "what ifs" don't come to be . I'm just glad he's not too far away and that I can be with him again one day! Until then dad... I miss you!

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An Amazing Au Pair

I have the most amazing Au Pair that "works" at our house alot of weekends.
She just happens to be 12.
She just happens to be from Tomball.
And she just happens to be my niece Kellie.

Makell was given the nickname "the baby whisper" when the girls were infants because she has always been so good with them! If you ask her what her favorite thing in the world to do is, her answer would be "babysit Keagan and Riley." She is so helpful and great to have around. And last night I really needed her help!

Kellie and Nana thankfully watched the girls for the night while I went out to a fun birthday party. But when I got home I could hear poor Rileys labored breathing on the monitor. I got her out of bed at 10:30 for a breathing treatment and to begin what ended up being a long night that I couldn't have done without my Au Pair.

Riley did not sleep most of the night. So Kellie just asserting herself to taking Riley at 1:30 for a little while and then again at 3 was more then welcome. After Nana also kindly helped out from 4 to 6, Riley and I both woke up for good at 6. I knew I needed to take her to the ER for her wheezing. So fortunately I knew the Au Pair would be able to stay home with Keagan and be just fine while Nana got some sleep.

While I was at the ER all morning with Riley, Kellie got Keagan up, fed her breakfast and they were playing outside when we got home. Then throughout the rest of the day she was so helpful as I was running on an in and out 4 and a half hours sleep.

Any mother would love a full time or even part time Nanny. But I'm just so thankful to have the Au Pair that I do! I don't know what we would do without the patient, loving, kind, and helpful Kellie! A fabulous Au Pair!
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Let It Snow!

I'm really not thinkin there was snow in Bethlehem, but it sure was a fun addition to the Back to Bethlehem festival! My girls have never seen snow. Riley wasn't too much of a fan. And Keagan really didn't like that her pants got wet. I was just happy I didn't have to shovel it or drive in it!





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Back to Bethlehem

At Keagans school today they put on a Back to Bethlehem festival. They did such a great job in recreating what Bethlehem may have looked like with food markets, activities like candle and pottery making for the kids and even a manger with Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus there. The highlight was probably the donkey and camel rides though!




















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Classy Girl

I got the greatest opportunity yesterday. I was able to slip into the back of Riley's class at school to observe for a half an hour without her realizing I was there. I have been asking her teacher Miss Kellogg so many specific questions in her take home folder, that she finally invited me to come see for myself. And I'm so thrilled that I did!





I snuck in right when Miss Kellogg and Miss Amber were starting "Circle Time" with Riley and her two darling little friends Adam and Uriel. The teachers were so animated, fun and loud as they reviewed the letter, shape and color of the week, talked about the weather, reviewed the ABCs and counting and finally sang several songs as they either played the guitar or did sign language.

I was overwhelmingly excited to see Riley in her own special little world and THRIVING!

She was sitting in this darling wooden chair customized for her size and needs, but she was right along with her peers. She was interacting so well with them and didn't miss a thing that was going on. She did some hand motions to the songs and did amazingly well at answering Miss Kelloggs questions by hitting the correct choice on the "Go Talk", which is a communication device. She even hopped over to the door to get in line to leave for the day! I was overjoyed, satisfied and relieved all at the same time!

Besides seeing her success in the classroom, the greatest part of the day was seeing how happy she was at school. She was engaged and excited, smiling and participating. It seems so silly now that I had reservations about starting her so early. She is achieving a lot for herself! And I'm so thankful she has this blessing and that I was able to see it for myself.

When she finally realized that I was there, she couldn't contain herself that I was actually in her classroom. She kept looking at me with a grin so big it was going to burst her face, and was obviously proud to show me everything going on in her class.

Well if she was proud...then that makes two of us!

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