Cuddles and Chaos Nights

Tonight I was so frustrated that Keagan wasn't falling asleep. She didn't have a nap after church today so I thought she would be out fast. To my barking threats and sighs of frustration, she just responded with more giggles and summer saults in her bed. Right when my firm and irritated voice was going to turn into a near yell, my sweet girl said "mommy I want to cuddle with you." Sweetest. Thing. Ever! We had such a great 15 minutes after that request that I just might have missed out on.

The score on the sweetness scale tonight was similar to last night. I cuddled with both my babies and got lots of hugs and giggkes from Miss Riley. And Keagan hugged me several times while giving her amazing I love yous. Always a character, she then went to sleep with her sunglasses on. Those night lights can be pretty bright!


I have fully earned the last two nights! I worked hard for those parenting pay off moments! Because Thursday and Friday nights could not have been more opposite then these heartwarming ones!

Thursday night I packed up and took Riley to a sleep center for a sleep study and an 8 hour EEG. I was prepared for it to be a really rough night as Riley likes things to be exactly the same each night for her to go to bed. I planned on it being a difficult situation and not getting much sleep. I wasn't fully prepared for how horrific the night was.

We arrived at 8:30 to a very nice nurse and a comfortable room. Riley was fine with all the measuring and the probes on her legs and abdomen. But as soon as we got to the ones on her face and head...all hell broke lose. I ended up trying to hold my baby as still as possible and trying to distract her anyway I could while she kicked, bucked, squirmed, screamed and cried for over an hour!! It was horrific! Not only was it physically hard for the nurse to get the probes on but Riley was sweating so much from putting up such a fight that they kept slipping off. It was a nightmare! After an hour we had only gotten 12 of the 32 probes on and then Riley threw up because she was so upset. Thats when I had to pull the plug. I just couldn't put my baby through anymore! Or myself frankly. I immediately pulled everything off, somewhat cleaned her up and we were on the road home at 11:30 at night within minutes. Riley's calm snore in the backseat was my reassurance I had done the right thing. Her pulmonologist and neurologist will be disappointed they aren't getting the studies they want. But frankly I don't care! There is a line that a momma has to draw. And that was my line.

On Friday while both Riley and I were struggling to recover from such a traumatic night, it was clear that Miss Keagan was sleep deprived and over stimulated after a slumber party at Sa's house Thursday and also the two previous nights here with her cousins. As the night was coming to an end with her cousins here, I knew getting her to sleep was going to be a task. It ended up sparking a meltdown of epic proportions that this house has never seen. And probably not many houses. Again I was faced with over an hour of my baby kicking, screaming and crying. Just for very different reasons then her sister the night before. After she fell asleep and the agony stopped, I was left in a heap of guilt and tears. Not fun.

Thank heavens I've had two remarkably enjoyable nights to balance out the others. In fact the greats of motherhood don't just overshadow the not so greats and the downright awful, they wash them away. To recover from Thursday and Friday nights I pretty much needed a power wash. To my surprise the cuddles, smiles, and I love yous of the last two nights did just that! Thank heavens! Now hopefully we can keep this going!

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