Down But Not Out

Riley's teacher at school is gentle and positive- like a great Special Ed teacher should be. In a kind way today, Miss Kellogg brought it to my attention that since Riley started her new seizure medication she has been almost completely non verbal at school. It was all I could do to not drive away in tears. This goes against all that I am hoping for and my reasons for taking Riley to school. So today I am very discouraged.

I am down but not out.

I am down because I have made it abundantly clear that my priority for Riley, my number one goal is to give her a voice. I so desperately want to hear from her what she wants and needs. What she likes and dislikes. What she is going through and how all of this is for her. This would change both of our lives dramatically. My heaviest thought today was "how is she ever going to learn to speak, if she's not even trying?!" The good news is she's vocal at home- which was very evident during dinner tonight as she was very particular of what I was feeding her and when. So I'm dismayed that she is silent at school and reluctantly frustrated by that.

But I'm not out because of who Riley is. She's a joyful but determined little girl. She won't give up. That I know. She is only 3 and we have a long way to go and alot of work to still do. I have high hopes that the combination of Speech Therapy, school and an active and safe home life will help Riley flourish and experiment to find that voice. Plus I'm still heavily hoping for truth in the idea that she is still just getting used to the powerful medication and will return to her old ways soon and be able to grow from there!

Either way, like we have done before, we will adjust and keep pushing forward. I will try not to be discouraged and focus on giving her all that she needs. Come what may, I WILL find my baby's voice! One day! Somehow!

Just wish it was today.


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