Not Your Typical Mothers Day

I should be posting about our absolutely incredible trip to Chicago. But I've yet to figure out how I'm going to stuff so much fun, memories and pictures into one post! Its worse then puttin on my Spanx! Still workin on that.

Today is Mothers Day. A bittersweet day for me. I am beyond blessed to be the mother of my two angels! And I wouldn't change it for the world. But as a single mom, this holiday is just another day full of mommy duties while others around me get a wonderful day (that by golly they have earned) to be celebrated. I spent the early morning hours foregoing sleep to comfort a crying Keagan with a double ear infection, an afternoon at the urgent care, a day feeding, cleaning up after and breaking up fights with the girls, and Riley even pooped and spit up on me today for an extra special treat! Definitely not your typical Mothers Day.

This day also reminds me of years of painful infertility and the four precious babies I lost on the way to being blessed with my girls. With one miscarriage at 12 weeks, I can't help but wonder about that little soul.

I am rarely if ever jealous of anyone. It's in my nature to be happy for others. But I do sometimes get jealous when other moms get a break. Something that all mommas deserve, but just a luxury that my situation just doesn't often afford. So this day finds me in an unusual position, with a tinge of jealousy for all the well deserved breaks most moms should be getting. My brother Tyler would probably remind me today that I really need to work on my "expectation management!" Hopefully by next year I will have completely lowered my expectations for the festivities of this day. Or I can snap out of it and relish in the joy my two babies bring me and hug them a little tighter.

As a gift to myself today I am going to let go of the guilt that too often comes with the most important job on earth. I am going to just own these feelings and be honest about having them. But tomorrow I will count my blessings and realize just how greatly my Heavenly Father has blessed me! I will count my most treasured blessings in Keagan and Riley and rejoice that I can love a kiss my sweet miracles today! I vow to take the next 364 days to look into the darling faces of my miracles and be so grateful they made me a mom! What a blessing! Happy Mothers Day!


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