A Tough One

To be a mom you have to be tough. To be the mother of a special needs/medically fragile child you have to be really tough. Some days it is just hard. For me, the hardest of those days are when I have to go against everything inside of myself, everything at the core of who I am, to do what's right for my child. All I want to do is love her and protect her, make sure she doesn't have to feel any pain in this life. So it's the hardest of days when I have to submit her to pain and fear and stand back as she suffers. It's so hard!

Tuesday was one of these hardest of hard days. Riley had her testing for her kidneys and thyroid. That meant she had blood drawn-twice and a renal ultrasound. It. Was. Awful! No 4 year old is happy with getting poked by a needle, but when it has happened to you SO many times it is even worse. She starts crying when we enter the phlebotomists room. And a kidney ultrasound isn't painful at all, but it was terrifying for my traumatized by way too many doctors visits and tests little girl!

Not only did I have to stand by and watch but I had to physically pin Riley down as she struggled to get free, screaming and crying the whole time. During her ultrasound I laid next to her on the hospital bed and had to pin her with one leg over her legs and two arms wrapped around her tight! For 45 mins!! They were not even able to complete all the testing that the doctor ordered because I would only agree to the minimum of testing absolutely needed. My baby just couldn't do it. And her momma just couldn't either.

After several exhausting hours at the hospital, We both needed some cheering up. So we spent a great hour at the Houston zoo which is very close to TCH. We ended the day on the carousel, Riley's very favorite thing. As I relished her huge smile, I realized I would do anything to keep that smile there! I would gladly have taken all the pain and the fear of the day away from her and submitted myself instead. If I could, I would take all the bad in both of my girls lives and rest it happily on my own shoulders.

That thought made me once again grateful for a Savior who did just that. One who came to Earth to experience all of Riley's pain, all of my anguish and all the tough things that any of us face. Since I know He loves me, and my girls and all of us, I know he gladly took it upon himself. And for Him it was easier then watching us all struggle and suffer. I'm so grateful I have Him to help me through tough days!

Riley's blood results came back fairly normal but her ultrasound shows her kidneys are too small, just like her head and her brain. It could have been worse, but it is not the news I praying for. That means we will just have to pray for more strength, more answers, more peace. Im just grateful that neither of us will be doing it alone!
















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