I think it began with the heightened stress of hurricane Harvey and all that entailed. But my anxiety surged with the sudden and MUCH too early passing of two sweet special needs children whom I know through Facebook support groups. One little boy had the same rare brain malformation as Riley does, Polymicrogyria. That just hits WAY too close to home. The other had her own health struggles, but both of them went to heaven because of probably my biggest fear, SUDEP which is Sudden Unexplained Death by Epliepsy. There is a million things I worry could happen to my babies but SUDEP is the worst!
These two children were playing, laughing and living one day and then it sounds harsh to say, but didn't wake up because of the horrible disease of epilepsy. No matter how I try to spin, slice or reanalyze that, it still leads me right back to anxiety! How could it not? Riley just recently had her seizure medication increased because of an escalation in seizure activity. Hopefully that helps and her seizures stay under control! But let me tell you this. Epileosy does not play by any rules. So my anxiety has filled my thoughts, distracted me from a lot and probably altered my behavior some. Unfortunately it works that way.
There are a lot of things I do for my anxiety. I count my blessings, I breathe, I talk to myself, I take my daily anxiety medicine, and I pray my guts out! Today the swirling thoughts in my head were relentless and then I read something that calmed some of the waters. I really appreciated these quotes and thought about my blog containing what I hope Keagan and Riley will read one day. My constant prayer is that they never personally know anything about struggling with anxiety or other mental health issues. But if they ever do (please no Heavenly Father) maybe something that helped me today will help them! This was said this morning by President Worthen at a BYU devotional.
“My message today focuses on one of the most oft-repeated, and yet most oft-overlooked and ignored commandments. By my count, this commandment is repeated 78 times in the scriptures. The commandment was the first thing spoken by the angels who announced Christ’s birth to the shepherds outside Bethlehem. It was also the first thing spoken by the angels who announced Christ’s resurrection to the women at the empty tomb. The commandment was conveyed by the angels who informed Mary and Joseph about their roles in the Savior’s mortal ministry, and it was part of the message of the angel who appeared to Zacharias to reveal the upcoming birth of John the Baptist. The commandment is repeated in at least two of our LDS Hymns. It is a commandment, found so frequently in the scriptures that we may not recognize its profound importance, especially for the times in which we live and the stage of life in which, you students find yourselves. The commandment is a simple two-word injunction: ‘Fear Not.’”
“Whatever the circumstances you find yourself in, know, with assurance, that you can succeed. You are more capable, more talented, and more faith-filled than you realize. More importantly, you are more loved by God than you realize. God lives. He is our Heavenly Father. He has placed you on earth at this time and in this place because He knows you can succeed, and that you can help others succeed in this particular setting. May the heavens open to give you glimpses of that truth and that destiny.”
The heavens did open a little for me today to receive this message. Hopefully I can keep it in my heart and swim back to the very shallow end of the anxiety pool. I'm much more comfortable there. And I pray my girls never have to get their feet wet! Hopefully they can "fear not!"
Thanks for sharing this beautiful message!
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