After checking in and having all of Riley's vitals done, Dr Weschler's nurse handed me some paperwork to give to the doctor after a short wait. Well I'm sure you could bet that I read all that paperwork about my baby! This is Riley's specialist that kind of covers the big picture of her health, growth and progress and makes sure she is getting all the therapy, equipment and medical care that she needs. So the paperwork was a review of our last visit 5 months ago and all of her current health problems, medications, etc. And yes all of that was 5 pages long.
I was scanning through the first page that had a list of diagnoses when I was stunned by one. I read "palpebronasal fold (epicanthic fold)" and I stopped! I had never heard of this before, and this was on my daughters official Texas Children's chart as one of her many diagnoses! I immediately got a pit in my stomach and surely kissed my mother of the year award good bye! How did I possibly miss this?!
I hate to admit it, but that's when I began to beat myself up. Even starting before the girls were born, I have talked to a TON of doctors about them! Particularly about Riley. But I pride myself on sorting that all out, remembering everything, staying on top of her health and just knowing all things Riley. I have been told several times that to see me in an Emergency Room situation with Riley, the way I can rattle of her history, medications, etc is quite bewildering. Truth is, its nothing special. It's what 95 percent of mommas do and us Special Needs moms just have a lot longer lists! But I was under the distinct impression that I did this all well. Until yesterday that is.
After beating myself up for a good 15 minutes, I walked into the exam room with my head held low in shame. I know it sounds dramatic, and I come from a long line of dramatic story tellers, but it is the truth. After Dr Weschler gushed over Riley with her hellos, I immediately wanted to address my failure. I handed the doctor the paperwork as I slumped in my chair next to my happy as ever angle baby that I obviously wasn't doing all that I can for if I missed this! I pointed to the foreign diagnosis and confessed my sin.
"Dr Weschler, what is this? I honestly don't remember her getting this diagnosis." The doctor looked at me with an awkward smile, feeling my sincere concern and paused. "Ummm, it's her gorgeous eyes."
SAY WHAT?!
Turns out " palpebronasal fold (epicanthic fold)" means the girls got Asian eyes!!! How hillarious is that?! Why is that even a diagnosis? My baby is part Japanese and part Chinese. So yeah, shes got that distinct asian eye. But why is that way to complicated name for Asian eyes just slipped in there between brain malformation and an enlarged heart?! So funny!
I felt immediate relief wash over my body followed with the realization of how ridiculous my being so upset was. I am such a dork! And every now and then I should cut myself some slack and not rush to judgement on myself! I give that courtesy to everyone else. Maybe I should try seeing myself through my girls eyes. I'm sure they have a much prettier view of me then I do. Even if its through " palpebronasal fold (epicanthic fold)" eyes! It's worth a shot. Hopefully I won't miss that too.
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