Sunday, May 14, 2017

I Really Just Want to Be a Mother

Many years ago I sat in a cold office in Hawaii. I was on my honeymoon with my ex-husband but he is from there and all his family is there. One of his family members had asked us to come meet with him in his office for a little chat about our future. When I was asked point blank "so what do you want to do with your life?" it quickly became a life defining moment. I had always known the answer but when I answered the question that day it was the first time it was written in stone. My reply? "I really just want to be a mother." When I said it, every part of my body agreed and the Spirit testified to me that it was exactly what my Heavenly Father wanted for me. That answer wasn't received too well but it didn't much matter because it was finally solid to me. 

After that my path to making that dream come true was more then rocky! We spent years trying to have a baby, and those years were tough. Lots of doctors appointments, medicines, procedures, money, time and heart break. I had 4 pregnancies that ended in miscarriage, one at 12 weeks. But it didn't stop me from still trying. Once I got pregnant with the girls I endured shots 3 times a week, preterm labor, fainting spells and hospitalizations all while my marriage was falling apart and within a year of my dad passing away. The girls were born much too early, much too little and much too sick. The drama in my life was unbelievable and my post partum depression was horrendous. The girls and I moved to Texas from Hawaii when they were 13 weeks old and all three of us BARELY survived the first 6 months! There were times over the next three years where Riley's 23 diagnoses slowly came in one by one that I didn't know if we would make it. But we did survive. By the grace of God, and Him carrying us thru, we survived! 

Now I am a single mom to the 2 most gorgeous 8 year olds I've ever seen! They are fun, smart, mischevious, beautiful, hilarious, busy, clever, sassy, kind and absolutely amazing! The mom I am and my path to motherhood isn't at all what a I expected it to be. But it is absolutely worth it all and absolutely incredible! Being a mother is the single greatest blessing I could ever have been given from my loving Heavenly Father! I am amazed that He knew I would be doing it alone and He still sent two such amazing little spirits to me! Nothing could ever challenge and exhaust me more. But nothing could bring me as much joy as being a mother to Keagan and Riley does! No matter how we got here, I could not be more thankful to be these sweet girls mommy! 

That is what I thought about all day today on Mother's Day. It was a quiet day full of the simple and pure love from two 8 year olds. My babies gave me the sweetest, most precious homemade gifts that money can not buy and let me take a nap on the couch! Todd cooked a great dinner for us all and we got to FaceTime with Sami for the last time on her mission. It was a beautiful, simple, love filled day. I'm SO thankful for it! 

Riley's precious canvas bag with her hand prints on it. After breakfast she went on her own and dug it out of her backpack and was SO proud to bring it to me!

Keagans "magazine" all about mom! She wrote some awesome stuff in her but my favorite is "my favorite thing about my mom is that she never gives up and she encourages people!" 


Keagan also made 4 handmade coupons for me. She insisted upon calling Coach yesterday and apparently they cooked this up! They are coupons for a day off! Seriously the sweetest thing ever! 

LOVED talking with Sami and can't wait til she comes home in 8 weeks! 

And this all comes after an INCREDIBLE couple days with these girls! Friday was Mahaffey 1st Field Day! Oh my goodness it was a ridiculous amount of fun! After a pep rally in the morning, the kids did stations for a couple hours, had lunch in their classrooms, cooled down and watched movies and then did the rest of the fun stations in the afternoon all wearing their grade color coded shirts that of course Riley is obsessed with! Some of the favorite stations were bowling, volleyball with a huge ball, the blow up obstacle course, the sponge game a definitely surfs up which was where they had to lay on a scooter with a frog on their back and scout along a path while the sprinklers spray them! Seriously just SO much fun!! I was SO thankful for Mrs Merillat and Mrs Akers who worked so hard to help Riley fully participate in the day! Mrs Akers even carried Riley all the way thru the obstacle course! And I'm also thankful for sweet friends who text me pictures of the girls asI couldn't be out there all day since I kinda need to keep me job! 

After Field Day Keagan was finally able to have her sweet friend Reyna over for a super fun play date and these two couldn't have been more thrilled! Please excuse the messy play room!

And on Saturday the fun continued! We had an afternoon of science experiments, Keagan's favorite and Kennedy babysat while I had a great early birthday dinner celebration with Lisa, Todd and Taryn! But the HUGE thing on Saturday was that it was our first appointment with Riley's Make a Wish volunteers! Thanks to Dr Clark and the amazing Dr Reed who both nominated Riley for her life threatening diagnoses, she is going to be granted a wish!! With the help of Nancy and Gary our great new friends, Riley selected to go meet Cinderella at Disneyworld! Both girls are incredibly excited and I'm amazed at what all comes with such a HUGE blessing like this! The girls dad will be joining us for the trip which will probably be the first week of January. I'm still a little in shock at such a blessing! 

So it was a weekend full of AMAZING! 

There was still lots of work, chaos and whining but it was absolutely wonderful! Which is very fitting because that sounds a whole lot like motherhood! It's like that cheesy saying that I love. "Yes my hands are full but you should see my heart!" 

I'm SO thankful to be a mother! It is my life's dream and a every wish come true to be Keagan and Riley's momma! Because...I just wanted to be a mother. 


  1. So I should be sleeping butI saw your post and remembered I wanted to read it. What sweet girls you have and what an awesome example you are to them! I'm bawling my eyes out over the sincerity of your words. You are amazing! I'm glad our girlies are friends and thatI have the chance to know you!