Out of the Bathtub

After my last very real and very vulnerable post, I got a lot of “thank you for saying what we all never say” kind of comments. I expected and appreciated those because it is my true belief that we have all cried in our perverbial bath tubs. But the comments I didn’t expect were the ones from friends who thought I was completely falling apart or having a mid life crisis. People I am completely fine! I was just opening up about the reality that is life, no big deal. I’m certain all these friends have had nights like the one I wrote about. But their thoughts of me were “but you are always so happy!” and “but you are always so positive!” Well I  appreciate that, I do. But.........SURPRISE my life is also really hard! For some of the same and some of the different reasons that yours is hard too. But trust me, it is really hard. 

But instead of focusing on the hard everyday, I save that for the times I need a good ole cry in a hot bath. And outside the bathtub, or anywhere else I may have a little breakdown, I focus on the good, the beautiful, the miracles, the joy, the love in my life. And thankfully, there is an abundance of that which has blessed me so tremendously! 

Ok stay with me now. 

So in my heart and in my brain, two very different places that I force to work together, I am constantly trying my best to lean to the right. See for me, and yes I know I’m crazy, on the left end of the spectrum is the really, really hard. That is where the stuff that takes me to the bathtub and keeps me up at night likes to settle. I dont mind letting myself go there when I need to, but I try hard not to stay there. In the middle of the spectrum is our little families crazy schedule and my ridiculously long to do list. This occupies a lot more space than I would like to admit. And on the beautiful right is all the good, all the blessings, all the happy. Ideally I would like to stay here always, but unfortunately we can’t just live off love every day. So the default is the middle and the what is right in front of me right now that needs to be done. But I am constantly trying to lean to the right. I just love counting my blessings and soaking up all that goodness over there! That’s the good stuff that keeps me out of the bathtub and so happy and positive like some friends think I always am. I’m not, but I do try. 

We have had a lot of stuff lately that has been filling up the right side and pulling my heart that way! My very favorite one was a video that Riley’s incredible teacher Mrs Merillat sent of my smarty party rockstar Riley READING! Many would not even attempt to teach a nonverbal, delayed child to read but thanks to the most amazing teacher Riley is looking at sight words, READING them and pointing to the picture of the word from a group of choices! I have watched the video a hundred times and cried just as many. Even better, Riley has watched the video a good amount herself and after each time leans into me so I can kiss and praise her like she knows she deserves. Oh the miracle that this sweet girl is! How could my heart not just swell?!

It is really quite amazing how loved my baby is! The village behind her is something to behold! And she has SO many village members at Mahaffey. I recently discovered from Mrs Teer that there is a group of 1st grade girls that love playing with Riley at recess and lately have been letting Riley be “the dance teacher” and copying all of her dance moves! Yep, lots more tears on that one too! Apparently Riley’s sweet friend Peyton has taught the other girls “how to speak Riley” and now they all have a great time together! This was very similar to what I witnessed last Thursday when I worked a day that I don’t usually work. I was able to witness what i have always heard about that some 3rd graders, including our good friend Lauren, “run” the track with Riley at PE literally cheering her on and holding her hand the whole way! Yep, you guessed it, tears again and a GIANT smile on Riley’s face! 

She sure is loved but she sure is crazy too! Check out the get up when I just can’t fight the wardrobe battle before school! And better yet, the result of her current obsession with chocolate pudding and Paw Patrol! The girl would spend hours in this state of disasterous mess if I let her! 

And I am certainly just as proud of Miss Keagan who is working so hard in school and making great progress in preparing for the STAAR tests coming up. My girl never complains about the dyslexia card she’s been dealt and happily works harder then her peers. Plus she serves all those around her whether it is by being kind, giving gifts like homemade bracelets, or helping any way she can. She sure is the best helper I know for all my time serving the sweet Young Women of my ward and around the house! Last Saturday without even being asked she cleaned the powder room bathroom and the windows. Bright and early when I was still being lazy and cuddling on the couch with Riley, here comes Keagan walking past us with the cleaning supply bucket! When I thanked her repeatedly and told her how amazing she is, her response was “well you’re amazing too!” Seriously?!?! Yes it’s definitely not always this perfect but man am I SO blessed by this incredible girl! And there could not be a better Sister for Riley to have! I’ve said it a million times the Lord sure knew what he was doing sending those two together! 

She recently completed the last session of tennis for this school year and was highly complimented by her coaches and encouraged to keep playing. Her new constellation art work is also being displayed in the hallway which she loves. And loving isn’t a strong enough adjective for how she feels about her musical! Rehearsals and all the singing practice and friends she’s making have made her SO happy! She even volunteered to hang up advertising posters around town and has invited all her teachers personally and even texted Dr Reed herself! She really is SO amazing and I can’t get enough of her! We had this 35 minute talk last night while laying in bed after we both got home from Young Women’s. It was way past her bedtime but I could tell she needed to talk and connect and I relished in all the stories and giggles and will probably cherish that memory forever with her! 

Other good stuff....there is just SO much... playing with the kindergarten chicks, Riley being literally the center of attention during music (what a diva), Keagan making so many hilarious videos, and experimenting with cooking. We’ve also loved Riley working the coffee cart and doing a fantastic impersonation of her favorite princess, Cinderella by doing the dishes in her tattered dress and of course friends, friends, friends! 

I also have to throw in being honored on adminastrative assistants day and the unbelievably incredible night we had being a part of the big party loving and supporting my nephew Evan when he opened his mission call! He got the very best of both worlds and will be serving two years in Scotland/Ireland and teaching in the mandarin language! So incredibly proud of him! 

See? How many wonderful things have I listed? And this was just the big stuff! I tend to fill the right with a whole bunch of little stuff too! Either way I just need everyone to know I’m definitely out of the bath tub, I’m doing great and I’m leaning to the right! It’s what I usually do. I sure like it there!