I Cried In the Bathtub Tonight

I cried in the bathtub tonight. 

Yep, I sure did. And it was after I had eaten too many of those little white powdered donuts that I keep regretting purchasing. I filled up the tub as hot as I could stand it, climbed in and had myself a good ole cry. 

I totally do not say that for sympathy. I say that because it is SO REAL! It is so real and I bet every woman who is at least my age has done something strikingly similar, more then once. 

I cried in the bathtub tonight because I’m downright exhausted from single momming hard. I cried because there ain’t no stress like money stress. I cried because figuring out what is bothering a non verbal, special needs precious 9 year old girl is so freaking difficult. I cried because I’m sharply aware of my shortcomings as a mother especially after totally brushing off my other precious 9 year old who just wanted to talk before bed. I cried because people I really love are struggling with really hard things and I can’t do anything to help. And because once you start a cry like that you gotta go all the way, I cried because man I miss my dad who has been gone more then 10 years now. 

Those were all my reasons for the hot bathtub tears. But every woman has hot tears of her own and a bathtub, shower, closet, office, car or bedroom to cry in. Trust me, I wish you didn’t, but it’s inevitable.

You may cry for wayward teenagers, sick children or aging parents. You may cry for failing health, careers or friendships. You may cry for loneliness, regret, addiction or shame. You may cry for infertility, lost pregnancies, and crumbling marriages. (If you cried for those I was in your shoes once and I’m SO sorry.) You may cry for a mental health struggle, a disability or a life spinning too fast struggle. You may cry in anticipation of change or realization of failure. There are a million reasons why we women cry. But whatever those reasons are, wherever those tears are shed, you and I both have a Heavenly Father who loves us. He loves us wholly, unconditionally and not just thru our smiles but especially thru our tears. 

Please know that He loves us! 

One of my favorite men in the whole world is backing me up on this. Jeffrey R Holland said “Even if you cannot always see that silver lining on your clouds, God can, for He is the very source of the light you seek. He does love you, and He knows your fears. He hears your prayers. He is your Heavenly Father, and surely He matches with His own the tears His children shed.” 

I don’t like to think my Father in Heaven cries when I cry. After all He has blessed me with, I don’t want to give Him reasons to cry! But don’t I hurt when one of my children hurt? And He loves His children more perfectly then me. But guess what He also does a gazillion times better then me? He picks up His children, dusts them off and gets them back on track. Just like He got me to drain the bathtub, get dressed, get on my knees and...of course....why didn’t I do this first...PRAY! 

In my prayers I didn’t solve a single one of my problems. I’m still exhausted and now it’s 1:30am. I’m still poor, my loved ones are still struggling, my dads still gone and I have to face all my momming in the morning if they stay asleep til then. So I didn’t fix anything, but the tears are replaced with LOVE, His love. And although the tears were understandable and needed at the time, and it was completely ok to cry, the love feels just so much better! 

Probably my favorite quote of Jeffery R Holland’s is “Keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow and forever.” 

I know that is true. I feel those cheers, I feel His love and oh do I pray that you feel it too! Next time I think I will just skip the bath and go straight to prayer and straight to His love! Maybe this little blog post at 1:51 am outside my tear stained bathtub will help you go straight there too. Because sometimes tears can be nice, but we all know His love wins every time! Every single time. 

1 John 4:8 “God is Love.”