Big Party at Our House!

It's 8:00 pm on New Years Eve and this is what all 3 of us are doing...


We had great plans to party with friends, but fittingly we had to cancel because poor Riley got sick. She spiked a fever of 102 today! Plus Keagan has a tummy ache and I have body aches. I guess that all sounds about right for the end of 2011.

One of my goals for 2012 is for us all to be healthier which hopefully includes no ER visits all year! After we all get a fabulous nights sleep tonight, instead of staying out all night, hopefully we will be starting off right for that goal. And all the others!

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Girls in 2011

As the year ends and I think about the wonderful year 2012 was for our little family, the thing that strikes me most is how much the girls have both grown and progressed over the course of the last 12 months. This Christmas season we loved driving around and looking at lights, just like last year. The big difference is the commentary from the back seat. Last year a cute and little Keagan would say "mo yights! mo yights!" This year was an array of comments like "Oh that one is bootiful!" and "oh, they have lots of yights!" And I have recently talked about all the progress Riley has made as well. Last year I'm not sure how much she was engaged in our light watching. This year she fully participated and provided "ohs" and "ahs" of her own.

Realizing this just makes me want to slow the clock down. Just a little. I am stunned that tomorrow at church I will have 2 little sunbeams with the big kids in primary! They are still my little babies, but they seem to be doing all this big girl stuff! Despite my objections, the sun will go down tonight and rise again tomorrow and the girls will continue to get older and bigger. The good thing is with that comes new memories, new opportunities and increased love. Ok 2012. I guess I'm ready for ya!






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The Waves

When I lived in Hawaii and used to go to the beach, people would always say not to turn your back on the waves when you're in the water. My grief is so similar to those beautiful waves I used to love to swim in. When it comes to missing my dad, I feel like I am always turned away from it so that when a wave hits, it always takes me by surprise. It comes like a a rush of water that quickly splashes over my whole body, tossing me about and often taking my breath away.

The funny thing is that it's not the expected things that bring the grief. It's the little things that create big waves that leave my heart physically sore in my chest. It's not Christmas Eve dinner or eating his famous breakfast on Christmas day. Instead it's seeing an old mans hand at the Temple that looks like his when I held it when he was sick. It's Keagan chewing bubble gum and the smell reminds me of his car. And it's my niece Kellie saying "who opened the gate?" in traffic just like he would say. Those are the little things that leave me breathless, fighting back tears, and missing him with every fiber of my being.

The good thing is, now that it's been 4 and a half years, the waves do reside. The swells of grief do slowly move back into the ocean. I never, EVER stop missing him or thinking about him and how everything would be so much different, easier if he were here. But I don't remain in the waves continuously like I did in the beginning. I still find great times of joy and peace just swimming in the water of my life. But I always know that as soon as I turn my back, another wave will hit. Each time it does I will let it come because it sometimes makes me feel closer to him and opens up the places in my heart that I too often keep closed.

One day I will learn to bravely turn towards to waves and embrace them. Until then I will keep swimming the best I can while I use all he taught me and my wonderful memories of him to help me float.

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All Together Now

I think I may have mentioned a time or two that none of the girls in our house are sleeping very well lately. Nothing hurts my heart more. I am such a better mom if I get some sleep. So today I just happened to be a fabulous mom cause it was a LONG night!

I got to bed at 11 and was so sad to hear tears coming from Riley's monitor at 1. I gave in pretty quickly, as I normally do with that one, and let her sleep with me in my bed. Once she was finally settled, I was confused by the little footsteps I was hearing. And then sure enough, before I knew it, Keagan was climbing into my bed with a big smile and a loud "hi mom!" She gave Riley a kiss on the cheek and I almost thought it was adorable. But not at 1:30 in the morning! Then Riley was ready to play and I had such a hard time getting both girls to lay down and be quiet. Sleeping all together with our whole little family may sound sweet and fun. In reality, it's not even close.

By 3 I finally got everyone back in their own beds. However this morning I heard rumors Keagan was also in and out of Nana's bed. No wonder she was so tired today! I was too! Maybe I can use that to blame for getting a little too mad at Keags today for seriously tinkling in the bathroom sink!! Yes you read that right! Her cousin was using the potty, and the sink was free. So hey..why not! But frankly if she will sleep in her bed all night and I get a full nights sleep, she can tinkle any where she pleases!

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Merry Christmas Y'all

What a wonderful day! It was quiet and easy. The girls were totally spoiled! Santa brought a full load and forgot to account for the fact that these two girls are loved by amazing family and friends who were so nice to send gifts as well. They both loved everything! It was so fun!





The only thing Keagan has asked for this year from Santa is gum. That was the first gift she opened and she got SO much gum that she gave Riley half! It was very sweet. After that, when she would open a present we always got an excited comment of either "Yeaaaah!", "thank you Santa!" or "I love it!" And then when Riley opened all of her gifts (which Santa was smart enough to put in gift bags cause she loves pulling out the paper) Keagan would size up the gift and say "I want Riyee to share!" Classic!

















The big hits of the day were definitely the puppies in their own carriers and a treasure chest for princesses. A cupcake purse and a my little pet shop tree house for Keags, and a shapes light up game and princess electric piano for Riley.











We took a break from the presents and went to church at 9. That one hour meeting ended up being my greatest Christmas gift! It was the most wonderful meeting I have ever attended because we were blessed with incredible Christmas music and the presence of an Apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, Richard G. Scott. In a soft, calm voice he bore the most amazing and powerful testimony of our Savior. That He lives. That He is not an absent God. That He has perfect love for us all. Such a wonderful way to focus on the true meaning of Christmas!

At the beginning of the meeting, Keagan was sitting on my lap and I was trying to explain to her what a special thing it was for us to have an Apostle there. In between her hyperness as she had 30 pieces of gum for breakfast, she said to me "I want to talk to the man who talks to Jesus" Wow! This knocked my socks off for two reasons. One, maybe the girl does actually listen when we read our scriptures every night. And two, the veil is still so thin and our kids have so much to teach us!
After the meeting both Keagan and I were lucky enough to meet Elder Scott and shake his hand!





Another Christmas with my girls and we once again find ourselves to be very blessed! And I know Keags and Ris would agree..





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Christmas Eve

Only a fabulous family like ours spends Christmas Eve eating "frog eyes", whacking a Minnie Mouse piñata, and laughing at each other playing catch phrase. We had such a great and easy night!



































As I stare at way too many presents under the tree for the girls in the morning, I am reminded of two things I never want to forget...

It's not about what's under the tree, but who's around it! And...

Christmas isn't about the presents. It's about His presence.

Tonight I am so thankful for Keagan and Riley, for the life that we enjoy together and the love we share and for the rest of my family. And I think of the very first Christmas night and I'm so incredibly thankful that The Father sent His son to be born in a stable to lay in a manger. On Christmas Eve I'm so thankful for the Savior of the world and His humble birth that first Christmas night!

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Thursdays Aren't Our Day!

Thursdays just haven't been good to us lately. They've been down right awful! Last thursday was our fall and concussion. This thursday was another very long day! It concluded at 1am after an ELEVEN hour ER visit to Texas Children's with Miss Riley!

My sister was watching the girls so I could run last minute Christmas errands and drop of gifts to some friends when Riley started throwing up. By the time I got her to our Pediatricians office, she was throwing up blood and bile. Scary! So we picked up Nana who was nice enough to come to the ER with us. Thank Heavens she did!




In the first couple hours we were there, they did exams and X rays and determined her GI track was seriously backed up and she had an inflamed tummy. After she kept a bottle down for 30 mins, we were happily discharged and sent home!

But not long after we had loaded up the car, Riley again threw up a ton of volume! I spoke to our ER doc and she wanted to see her again. So back into the ER we went, reluctantly. That lead to an extremely long night of trying to clean out her system, and giving her fluids and meds intravenously. But we didn't have much luck and at 12:30 we asked to be discharged.


We left, absolutely exhausted, knowing if her system didn't start working then we would have to return to the hospital on Saturday and be admitted over night. After a long Friday we were very blessed to be able to celebrate Christmas Eve at home today! We are all more then exhausted, amazed at all Riley has been through, and thankful to be home together!


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